Coming Out
by Pam Osborne

Emily had been home all weekend. She left school to get away from the awkward feelings only to find that being home made them worse. Her thoughts and feelings were accepted at school. The nights were full of uncertainty and that nervous feeling that comes the night before an oral report. She always felt the bravest at night after everyone went to bed, but the constant impulse to wake her parents up in the middle of the night was overwhelming.

Emily had hinted to her mom about what she was feeling. She hoped her mom would catch on and ask. She told herself that she would not lie but at the same time she was going to initiate the conversation. The shameful thought of keeping this secret was beginning to overcome the fear of not being accepted or loved. She was determined to say something this time. This was a common promise that always ended up unfulfilled.

Her mom was home that afternoon. She was cooking Emilyís favorite dinner, spaghetti with homemade bread. Emily was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a Mikeís Hard Lemonade. Staring into the top of the bottle as if her destiny could be found within it somewhere, the urge to blurt it out was interrupted.

How's school?" her mom asked over the sound of water streaming from the faucet as she washed the dishes left over from the day.

It's good. Basketball is awesome. We are seven and two. Classes are harder this semester but everything is ok." She answered.

Been on any dates lately?"

How the hell did she do that? Emily thought as she felt her heart drop nervously to her stomach. What?î she finally uttered.

Her mother repeated the question.

Emily continued to answer her momís interrogation with No. Well, I haven't been asked."

No boys have asked you out?" she asked in an appalled voice.

No mom, no boys.î

Have you been asked by girls?î

Emily looked down at the table in shame as her mom turned the water off and walked over to the table to sit down. She lit a cigarette and Emily got another drink.

She came back to the table, hands shaking as she opened the bottle. She had never been so nervous and scared. She tried to be proud, the way she was at school. Through the tears and the fear, she told her mom that she was attracted to women. Her mom went into a speech on how it was just a phase. Emily disagreed but promised to keep an open mind and not close any doors.

Overcome by relief, Emily started crying again. Her mom told her that she loved her no matter what. They embraced each other for a long period of time. Emily ate dinner with her family and came home on the bus.